People are just straight-up erecting graven images of Elon Musk now

Wildfires in the West, eroding coastlines in the East, a plague of Brood X cicadas... and people want to tempt fate by erecting idols in the middle of New York City now? That’s what the minds at Public.com decided to do, from the looks of things. We don’t know how all this started, but for the sake of everyone’s souls, we must figure out how to make it all stop...

The “investing social network,” Public.com, announced on Twitter that it commissioned a bronze, life-sized graven image of Elon Musk in honor of his 50th birthday today alongside 100 similar miniatures to be raffled off via retweet. “Love or hate him, @elonmusk turns 50 today. We're giving away 100 mini Elon statues. What you do with yours is up to you,” the company tweeted, alongside a link to a live eBay auction for the life-sized cast, the proceeds of which will be donated to First Generation Investors, a nonprofit that apparently teaches high school students how to also bow before Mammon via stock market investment strategies. Our words, not theirs.

If all that weren’t enough (and we assure you, it was), Public.com has apparently plopped down the life-sized Bronze Elon — which is actually made of polyester resin according to the eBay page — at the corner of W. 14th St. and Washington St. for anyone who wishes to gaze into the abyss in person. We assume it’s only a matter of time before the statue is defaced or stolen, just as we assume Public.com has already anticipated both those outcomes and welcomes either one for press coverage’s sake. On second thought, maybe the Almighty should punish us all.

The statue looks absolutely nothing like Elon, by the way.

Lest we remind you — Okay, so let’s see just what Elon got into just this past month to warrant such desperate meme-marketing attempts. He continued his ongoing cryptocurrency market manipulations for the hell of it, promoted a notoriously overhyped video game on his notoriously overhyped new car, opened a glorified underground Tesla conveyor belt, teased a Tesla diner, and ruined “Baby Shark” for everyone. A public figure deserving of a life-sized statue, if there ever was one.

Look, we know we’re feeding into the loop that is Elon coverage, but shit like this deserves our public(.com) scorn and shame. One memelord billionaire should not wield this much power, nor should he be cheekily encouraged through marketing stunts like this. It’s opportunistic, nihilistic, and crass... just like we imagine an “investing social network” would be like.