TikTok’s dom ‘daddies’ are bringing BDSM to Gen X women

When confronted with Maxwell, known on BDSM TikTok as Mr. Olympia, it’s hard not to think of the infamous character Christian Grey from the 2011 novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

He’s 31 years old — more experienced and mature than the average TikToker — tall, well-groomed, and muscular. He wears suits and suspenders and unbuttons his shirts to reveal his smooth chest. He is well-spoken and has a British accent.

His backstory is also worthy of a romance trilogy. Maxwell, who asked that Input withhold his last name, joined the British military at 17 and spent time in the Middle East during his five years of service. After that, he worked in London’s finance scene for seven years, then moved to Switzerland in 2020 to become an entrepreneur and novelist.

His passion for literature is evident on his TikTok account, where he sometimes reads excerpts from romantic poems like “How Do I Love Thee?” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning or erotica like Professor FeelGood.

“I actually started my TikTok as a way of building an audience to eventually advertise my book,” explains Maxwell — or Max for short — who has amassed nearly 17,000 followers on his account, @mr.olympia, since joining the platform in April. (His 2020 fantasy novel, The Legend of the Pantheon: Seaborn, isn’t centered on sex.) “I didn’t realize it would have this kind of yield,” he adds. “I didn't realize I’d build a community of such interesting people.”

These “interesting people” — largely women from Generation X, he says — have not flocked to Max so much for his literary prowess as for the persona he presents online. He describes himself as a mix between a “hard and soft” dom who engages in impact and sensory play — like spanking, whipping, and pleasure domination.

“I’m quite adept with female biology. I’ve mastered the art of making women squirt,” says Max, who asks that his followers call him “Daddy.” He tells Input that he practices BDSM IRL with multiple female submissive partners, whom he doesn’t allow to see other men. “I’m very, very territorial,” he explains.

Max’s videos include ones where he shows off his large collection of BDSM toys, plus lightly kinky clips like this:

“Some of it is just entertainment where I would show off a harness or a toy,” he says. “But it can’t be a whip, for example, ’cause I’m one more warning away from being banned. It’s just hinting at certain activities.”

Max is one of several male doms — the authoritative figure in a sexual dominant/submissive relationship — who creates sexy videos for hordes of female followers on TikTok. These men, who are often white, are proud to be bringing BDSM to an older generation but say it’s not easy, given censorship threats, safety concerns, and the challenge of monetizing their content.

According to Kane Wolfe, a 30-year-old content creator from Georgia with more than 300,000 followers on his TikTok account, @kane.wolfe, most of his viewers are submissive women in their late thirties to late fifties. “Maybe they didn’t know these were the things they were into until they stumbled on my content,” he says.

It’s clear they do now, given how many “older” women have stitched Wolfe’s videos with hashtags like #daddysgirl and #sorrydaddy attached to them. “It’s about bringing that to life in a way that they may not be able to in their daily lives,” Wolfe says, “to help them explore it.”

Wolfe says he has always had “BDSM tendencies” in his relationships. The creator — who says he embraces “the title of ‘thirst trapper’” — has posted videos of himself pretending to watch an off-screen partner masturbate, brandishing a spatula in a seductive manner, and demonstrating his fisting technique with a bag of granola. “It’s just about finding all kinds of interesting ways to get the point across,” he says.

Getting their content past TikTok’s moderators is a constant struggle for BDSM creators, who live in fear of losing their accounts. “I’ve had an account that's been banned, and I have had many, many, many, many community guidelines violations for nudity when I’m fully clothed,” laments Wolfe.

He thinks such reports come from more conservative viewers. “There is currently harm being done because of the broken reporting system,” he says.

Educational content

Though many TikTok viewers yearn for little more than bare chests and bitten lips, some creators feel it’s their responsibility to provide educational content, too. “There are definitely more people who are trying to figure out their sexuality and learning things through TikTok,” says Tim, a 35-year-old construction worker from Virginia with more than 180,000 followers on his account, @RomDom87.

Tim, who asked Input to withhold his last name, makes videos explaining the different kinds of doms who exist in the BDSM world and the types of play in which willing partners can engage. His goal is to spread awareness about how BDSM can be incorporated in a long-term, loving relationship. “I want to show people that these relationships are completely customizable to fit your desires,” says Tim, who has a long-distance partner, Ashley, whom he met through his TikTok.

While TikTok offers a range of BDSM content, some creators are concerned it isn’t always done responsibly. “There seems to be a perpetual issue with people discussing edge play — particularly dangerous things that require some kind of safety training, like knife play or choking — that could lead to a serious injury or death,” says Wolfe.

Although Wolfe does what he can, he feels that his ability to combat misinformation is limited due to his follower demographic. “My audience is primarily submissive women. They are not necessarily the consent violators,” he says. “I can’t get in front of men and say, ‘We need to talk about consent or safety differently,’ because they’re not going to see the video.”

Tim, who also is mostly followed by submissive women, still sees value in preaching about safety and healthy limits, something he thinks could protect his viewers in the future. “We do need more concerned communication. We do need to talk about boundaries,” he says.

Tim has released many videos about “red flags” to watch out for when choosing BDSM partners. In his opinion, this type of content is not common enough. “People were telling me: ‘Hey, a lot of [creators] don’t talk about this stuff,’” Tim says. “I think that’s sad. They’re more of the thirst trap side of TikTok, I guess.”

Meanwhile, there is the potential for money in all this. Wolfe tells Input he’s been in and out of TikTok’s Creator Fund, but predominantly uses the platform to drive viewers toward his OnlyFans account, where he offers sexy dom-themed content to women. “It can be volatile, especially on a month-by-month subscription basis, because you never know who’s going to come and go,” he says. “But that drives me to make better content.”

Max has set up an OnlyFans to sell his own solo footage, although he hasn’t included dom-themed content yet, as he isn’t sure it will translate. “There’s a bit of a problem — at a distance, it’s very hard to punish a submissive. Almost impossible, actually,” he says. “Unfortunately, it’s all down to communication and restriction. It’s also a very strong bond — it’s not something that should be given away lightly.”

For now, he’s just trying to focus on promoting his growing brand. And while he still wants to write more books, it looks like his role in the literary world could soon change. “I’ve had a few people ask me about being on the cover of novels in the romance genre, so I’d love to do that,” he says.

He’s also working on a website where he can sell BDSM toys that have his official seal of approval. He intends to write reviews and stories to accompany each product he recommends. “I have all of this knowledge,” Max says. “I think there’s value in it.”