This summer’s vibe is a $400K Zillow listing collapsing into the ocean

See the beachfront home. See its 4 bed, 2.5 bath, 1,485 sq. foot floor plan; its multiple balconies and porches, its winding staircases that ascend its support stilts erected to “protect” the property owner’s estimated $381,200 investment. See its delusional location.

Now, see the ocean come to collect its due.

It’s official: Our “Summer ‘22 Vibe” is a beach house giving up and tumbling into an angry, rising sea. This is the Mood, y’all. And it’s going to continue being the Mood far past this summer. Adjust and prepare accordingly.

Not the first, nor the last — The now-viral video posted yesterday to Twitter by local news reporter Tolly Taylor shows viewers just one of the many recent beachfront property destructions from the past few years. The clip currently has over 6.7 million views so far. As Taylor explains in an accompanying thread, he’s seen and covered multiple similar situations back in Rhode Island — this one just so happened to be recorded as it happened.

Capitalism-induced derangement ensures we will not learn our lessons from this. If that were a chance, the house across the street from the address-formerly-known-as 24265 Ocean Dr, Rodanthe, NC would not still be estimated at $875,900, as if the extra 30 feet from the tides will grant it a measurably longer lifespan.

Days are numbered — Last summer, before I left New Orleans, my partner and I often drove across the state line into Waveland, Mississippi to spend weekend afternoons at the beach. Each time, I marveled at the gigantic vacation homes across the boulevard from our makeshift cabana setup. Not for their beauty or architectural complexities, but for the fact that they even still existed.

All of them were new, post-Katrina builds. All of them sat on support stilts. All of them rested a few feet further from the Gulf of Mexico than their predecessors. Sometimes, my partner and I would joke about them as we drove back to home — a home whose bedroom would collapse less than a month later during Hurricane Ida.

None of them stand a chance.

These houses will continue to topple. Many of them will be recorded and disseminated for millions of eyes to witness. It’s just going to get a lot less satisfying the closer they are to our actual doorsteps.