Nokia released a perfect, modern burner phone for $130

Nokia is still king of the burner phone. Sure, back in the day, Motorola tried to compete at the lower end of the market, but could you play Snake? In 2020, Nokia’s still got it, as evidenced in the Nokia 2.3 Android smartphone. It’s sleek enough to not obviously be an old-school burner phone for only $130. Plus, it offers the right mix of modernity and an absence of features for anyone looking to say, commit crimes, have an affair, or lead an underground Furby trading ring.

What you get — You can count on a 4000 mAh battery that will last up to two days in case your bookie locks you in the trunk of a car. The Nokia 2.3 also has a dedicated Google Assistant button to help you discreetly look up gifts for your mistress in the middle of family game night. The phone ships with stock, bloatware-free Android Pie, but is expected to upgrade to 10 soon.

The only biometric security is a 2D face unlock from a 5-megapixel selfie camera, so you’ll probably turn it off. Relegated to password protection, you’re safe from your wife using your face or fingerprint to scroll through your messages. The 13-megapixel rear camera is joined by a 2-megapixel depth-sensing camera to create portrait mode effects in photos of your beloved, black market Furbies.

What you’re missing — The most glaring omission is a USB-C port, but the use of micro-USB ensures that, should the massive battery ever die, you’re the only one who can charge it. The Nokia 2.3 lacks an OLED screen, but the LCD, 6.2-inch HD+ display should be more than enough to view any nudes or photographs of ransom demands. NFC also didn’t make it onto the 2.3, but you don’t want data like contacts or financial info leaving it anyway.

Let’s be real, you’re not missing anything. This is a ridiculously strong phone for such a good, “I can throw this away during a police chase and feel fine about it” price.