Melania Trump’s NFT scam inspires us all to ‘Be Best’

Hi, how are you this morning? Are you sitting down? You might want to do that. Did you also just take a comically large swig of water from a glass or mug? Okay, swallow that before doing anything else.

Good. Okay. Here we go: Official Melania Trump NFTs exist now.

“Melania Trump is pleased to announce the Melania Trump non-fungible token (NFT) platform, which will release NFTs in regular intervals exclusively on MelaniaTrump.com,” reads the official missive posted to her Twitter this morning. “The first NFT, entitled ‘Melania’s Vision’... is a breathtaking watercolor art by Marc-Antoine Coulon, and embodies Mrs. Trump’s cobalt blue eyes, providing the collector with an amulet to inspire.”

An amulet to inspire... We are in hell, people.

A message of hope for the hopeless — Melania’s first NFT will cost 1 SOL, which currently stands at about $180, and will also include an audio recording from Melania featuring “a message of hope.” The message of hope is “look forward with inspiration, strength, and courage.” That’s literally it. Don’t believe us? Here, check it out for yourselves.

There are a lot of soul-sucking NFT cash-grabs out there these days, but this one... woo boy. Truly, an inspiration to morally bankrupt, opportunistic hucksters everywhere.

Don’t worry, it’s for “the children” — Apparently a portion of the sales will go to STEM resources for children aging out of foster homes. It’ll be interesting to follow the money on this one to see who (if anyone) actually profits off of the former First Lady’s newest grift.

Anyway, now you can’t un-know this bit of information, which is all we wanted, really. We couldn’t suffer this knowledge alone.